The Art of Compromise-What is This?

Compromise:

Definition of Compromise:

a: a settlement of differences in which each side makes concessions.

b: to reduce in quality, value or degree, weaken or lower.

Hmmm, two decidedly different definitions for the word compromise. In terms of relationship, definition a: above, is obviously the better choice. Unfortunately, if one is struggling with personal issues, definition b: above, is the road more often traveled.

No one wants to eat crow.

I often used to engage my tongue before my brain fully registered the totality of a circumstance. As I got older, it became somewhat easier to think before speaking. On a good day, I realise it is far more satisfying to listen first and then speak my truth, rather than wag my tongue and have to eat my words. I don't care for the taste of crow.

The Art of Compromise is a learned behaviour, one that we need to actively participate in if we want our interpersonal relationships to run smoothly. Most humans seem to have an inborn need to be right.

We stiffen our spines and dig in our heels if we feel that we aren't be respected and heard by our colleagues, friends and lovers.

It takes patience, courage and determination to listen, and potentially agree with, a person that looks at the box of life from a different angle than oneself.

I am finally learning that all truths don't need to be spoken out loud. We have the freedom to think what ever it is we choose to think.

We have a responsibility to others to utter words in a respectful way, even if the message we are delivering is not in accordance with what the listener is feeling. Angry, unfriendly words are not acceptable.

Truth does not need to be delivered with force and volume. Yelling diminishes any message. Whispered truth carries far more weight than the loudest declaration of righteousness.

We don't need to agree with everything, we simply need to be able to give the respect of listening.

We need to be able to give respect to the thoughts of others, to understand that we all have a right to our opinions and ideas.

It is not necessary to agree with what is being said.

What we need to do is decide how important it is to be right just for the sake of being right.

We need to pick and choose our battles.

It is OK to let someone else 'win'.

I am beginning to understand that when we dare to care about what someone else has to say, we benefit a great deal from listening. We are given an opportunity to grow, to become more settled and at peace with ourselves.

I want to emphasise that listening to another person's take on life, their how to's, what for's and why's, does not mean we necessarily agree with what is being said.

To me, it simply means that we are being respectful and recognising the importance of giving someone else their voice to speak their truth.

When we dare to care about others, we dare to care about ourselves.

There is no room for this definition of compromise within the perimeters of personal relationships.

Unfortunately, it is often the path that is chosen by many, myself included. It takes a lot of hard work, and learning to be still, in order not to tumble into this form of communication.

There is nothing in this definition of compromise that calls out love and understanding.

There is no comfort or sense of respect when one feels reduced, devalued, weakened.

There is no room for this type of communication at all. All forms of communication within relationships and with perfect strangers, need to be respectful.

The term 'perfect strangers', is no accident. All of us are perfect, in our own unique way. I recognise this may sound rather Pollyanna-ish, but it is true. We have no right to ride roughshod over anyone else's feelings, emotions and truths.

When we feel anger or frustration, we need to stop, take a deep breath and attempt to connect with the internal dissension that is causing us to be mean spirited, arrogant and RIGHT.

Make it a great day!